Preface:
Reading this story I wrote in 2009, I couldn’t help but think it still rings true for me. The circumstances are most certainly different, but I have just recently emerged from another ‘life changing’ experience and the fundamental principles of taking risk and being open to what may come still apply.
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| The winding, glorious streets of San Miguel de Allende |
INSPIRATION – March 2009
Before I left to spend the month of February in Mexico, some of my concerned friends expressed their dismay over my trip. “You’re going alone? Aren’t you afraid?” I admit I shared their concerns. Even though I knew that San Miguel de Allende, a colonial city in the middle of the country, was safe and beautiful, the idea of not knowing ANYONE and being so far away, for so long, was unnerving.
So, why was I doing this? That was the big question with a fairly simple answer: to see what, if anything, was left inside of me. To find out who I was at this odd juncture of my life, where so much of what had defined ‘Me’ no longer existed. I was sick of looking in the mirror and thinking: Who am I now? My business, my place in the community is gone. My marriage is failing, my beloved dog has died. All I saw was a sad, lost, purpose-deprived old woman. I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
Coming to this kind of crossroads is hardly a unique experience. We all go through these passages throughout our adult lives, as we continue to develop and as the winds of external circumstances push us around. Sometimes a minor course correction is all that is necessary. Sometimes, major surgery is required. As I boarded the plane for Mexico on Sunday, February 1, I wasn’t really sure what treatment was in store. Did I need an attitude adjustment or was it going to be major surgery? I had no idea. I just knew I had to go.
By the time I arrived at my rental in downtown in San Miguel, without knowing where anything was, how to purchase necessities like food and – right away – a bottle of wine, I was close to panic. What was I thinking? What was I doing here? How would I manage?
To my rescue came my Yoga training. The only thing to do was breathe, take it moment by moment and be open to the experience, wherever it may lead. By the next morning, as I walked through the winding streets, encountering warm and friendly faces, sunshine and bougainvillea, I began to suspect I was headed toward a revelation.
In no time at all, I began to make new friends, find my way around town (yes, there was food and wine!), go to school and learn a lot more Spanish. I started to feel lighter, younger, different. I realized I was smiling a lot. I was no longer the sad, lost woman that had boarded the plane in Boston.
I was beginning to write myself a new story, even though I had become pretty attached to my old one – my personal “movie” that I, my friends and family had created together. In reality, when I looked in the eyes of all the familiar people in my life– my cast members – I saw what they saw – the character in the story that I had created. It defined me.
But, now I had given myself the opportunity, to pull myself out of that movie. I had set myself down somewhere else, where everyone I met was new and looked at ME, not my story, not my history. In the mirror of their eyes, I began to see myself anew. I began to see possibility. I realized I had a choice: ‘I don’t have to be sad. I don’t have to be lost. I can write a new movie where I am the heroine. I can make peace with the past and close those old doors that keep creaking open. It can be a new day!’
The revelation had begun and I had to write about it.
I set up a website to chronicle my trip – observations, ideas and images of this singular event in my life. I also hoped that sharing all this with the ‘folks back home’ would keep open the lines of communication and help to alleviate any homesickness I might feel. It never occurred to me that sharing what was happening for me would actually make a difference to anyone else. But, as it turned out, I was contacted by many women who followed my journey, telling me that I was an inspiration to them. Me – an inspiration? Well, sure – if I could find a new purpose, new hope, a new “movie”, then they might be able to do that too! It was pretty exciting knowing that my experiences were blowing some fresh air in others’ lives!
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At this time of crisis in my own life, I chose to drag my tired self to a foreign country hoping to shed old skin, and a narrative that just wasn’t working anymore. But, really, this work of re-writing your own story can be done anywhere, any time you choose. It can begin with the smallest decision, a change of mind. A change of heart. An opening of your eyes. Taking a risk that feels strange and scary.
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| I make new friends easily. |
Be brave. Dare to be ‘not the same’. You will see yourself anew, reflected back in even the most familiar pair of eyes.
Who knows? You may become an inspiration!
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| In January, I knew none of these people! |